The following is the first in a series of journal entries a member of the CareerBuilder.com community is sharing about losing his job and searching for a new one. At his request, we are withholding his real name so that he can relay his experiences with his former company and potential employers with impunity."Joe" (his nom de blog) is 45 years old and was let go from a management position at a major consumer products company. He relocated with his family to take the job a little over a year ago. He has agreed to write an online diary for us about his experience.After creeping up the ranks in sales and marketing at a major consumer products company, I was fired -- just days before Christmas. No lie. For weeks I'd been trying to talk to my manager about 2005 planning. Finally he agreed to meet with me.When I entered his office, not only was my boss' boss present, but an HR representative from corporate headquarters was on the speakerphone. Wow. All this to hear my first pass at the 2005 revenue plan.Not quite."We're not here to talk about that today," my boss intoned. Then, he began reading from a prepared script the words that ended my 15-year career with the company.The severance package was stingy... especially for a guy from Wisconsin who just a year before had relocated to this job and New York's pricey Westchester County -- taking on a hefty mortgage, $18,000 in property taxes and an array of other expenses that come with living in the New York metro area.I was promised three months' pay -- nothing close to the millions our former failed CEO got or even the golden parachute granted to a senior executive who was caught embezzling a few years back.Those who have come back from a near-death experience say their life flashes before their eyes. What flashed before mine was the casual "chat" I'd had with my boss at a convention in San Francisco where I dropped my guard and told him that I found working in a cubicle distracting and the systems part of my job difficult to master. Oh... and in all my uncharacteristic vulnerability with my "mentor," I mentioned I'd like to get back out in the field to sell again.My wife always told me it wouldn't kill me to be more open. I guess she was wrong.What flashed through my mind next were the promises and financial commitments I had made. How I'd generously told my parents I'd pay their way to fly out and see us for the holidays -- and agreed to chip in with my two brothers to send them on a cruise for their 50th anniversary. Then there was the deposit I had just put down for my son's combo gymnastics/rock climbing birthday party for 20 of his closest friends. Had the invitations gone out yet?When you suffer a loss, psychologists say you go through five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I'm with them on the anger thing, but rather than denial for me it was more a sense of clarity.Everything began to fit now. I know why my boss was avoiding me, why I was invited to fewer meetings, why I couldn't get access to the 2005 budget and why no one was terribly interested in my 2005 revenue plan.I returned to my cube. I didn't call my wife... I didn't call anyone. I packed up my things, threw them in my gym bag and tossed it over my shoulder like some low-rent Santa Claus.As I made my way through the maze of tinsel-covered cubicles all I could think to say to my wide-eyed colleagues was: "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"I felt a strange sense of peace as I walked past the rows of empty parking spaces reserved for executives in the heated garage into the cold, clear air.